There isn't a day that I don't feel alone in the world. And, when I say that I feel "alone", I don't mean in a "lonely" way. When I am referring to myself as feeling "alone", I am talking about the feeling that nothing will ever be accomplished in my life, whether it be personal or work, unless I" find a way to motivate myself into doing whatever the objective or mission that needs to be done. A typical day begins with me having to motivate myself to getting out of bed in order to begin the day. Then, I must then motivate myself to getting myself ready to clean myself up and get dressed in order to continue through the day. Then, I must find a way to stay motivated to see my way through whatever issues that I may have to encounter and/or resolve in order to make it through the end of the day. And, then, I must be able to motivate myself to finally allow myself return to my bed in order to rest up for another day. Most of the time, it takes my dog to bark enough times to let me know that it is time for "us" to got to bed. And, of course, I head to me bedroom, in order to cease my dog from barking. Dang dog. This has been my lone wolf way since 1997.
I say all of this not to sound like I have any problems with the way I have been currently living my life. I am just saying that some days are more easier to motivate myself to get out of bed than others. Today, I was suppose to attend my 40 year high school reunion banquet. I began feeling my blood pressure rising, my ear beginning to ache, and my head beginning to hurt as the time to began getting myself dressed to go to this event was nearing. I finally got to the point where I knew why I was feeling this way as the deadline for me to get dressed was nearing: I really didn't want to go to my 40 year class reunion banquet. I got out of my chair only to walk my dog, then feed my dog, then made myself something to eat, and I finally returned to my chair in order to attempt to reduce my blood pressure. I began taking some supplements and finally a blood pressure pill in order to reduce my blood pressure that was steadily climbing by the minute today. Once I saw the 5:00 p.m. for my deadline to dress had passed, I began to feel the aching in my ear and headaches reducing. I feel bad that I won't be making the high school reunion event; yet, health wise, I seem to be coming down from my "anxiety" moment. A person with a lone wolf mentality shouldn't be having any type of anxiety moment. But, here I am with one.
As you know, a person with a lone wolf mentality, is not a social person by nature. But, we do manage to find the strength such social event when needed to do so. I should never have to feel like having to do anything during my personal time. I should never feel "stressed" for not wanting to attend any event during my personal time. And, I shouldn't have to feel "guilty" for not living up to others expectations of me during my personal time. I enjoy life. I enjoy living life. I also enjoy what life has to offer me. I just want to be able to live my life the way that I want to live it. Anxiety isn't suppose to be a part of my life; and, I have been recently working on ways to improve my health (again) in order to get a better handle on my anxiety issues. I'll get through this anxiety issue. I know that I will get through this anxiety issue. This is my lone wolf way.
I'm tired now. But, I am feeling better. So, I'm going to go and relax now in order to get through the rest of this day. A person with a lone wolf mentality usually knows when to stop and rest in order to heal. So, this is me needing to stop and rest in order to heal. I'll be glad when this latest health issue is behind me...
